HOMESICK

(picture taken at local volcano, has nothing to do with story.)

I’ve been very homesick lately. don’t get me wrong, it is amazing to be here, the privilege to be among God’s people in the developing world learning, being shaped and dreaming about our next phase of ministry, does not escape me for a moment. The people are amazing and I hope to become more like them in the ways I’m deficient. The thing is…well, there are no black people here. like none. Ok, I’ve seen two, but really there’s none to speak of. No Black American culture, no black music, no SOUL food…none. African- American Gospel music hasn’t even made it here. I’ve come to realize almost everyday of my life for the past 5 years I’ve done ministry with or to Black folk. The ministry of InterVarsity has become very diverse with people of many different cultures (now including Latinos and a growing Asian ministry). I live in a predominantly black and latino neighborhood, so when I come here and find none of the “normality of diversity” of my life…it makes me sick for home.
This is serious. I hate awards shows, never watch them, don’t care about them, but recently I watched the Grammy’s. I loved it, was glued to it, couldn’t get enough…there were black people again, showing off, being awarded, performing. It makes me realize how special it is to have a ministry that is made up of different people, that the US has a gift in its diversity. Not only of black and white but Latino, Asian, immigrants from everywhere. We have the opportunity like no other to show the kingdom of God to the nations. When reconciliation is brought to people who traditionally have been at odds, the aroma of Christ permeates the atmosphere. It has been the air I’ve breathed for years now and I miss it. My commitment to racial reconciliation is renewed, reforged if not for theological reasons as least for personal need. I’m addicted to a diverse crowd, different faces, various hews of color, assorted foods and diverging cultures. It is worth the struggle. For the gospel and for personal gain. The kingdom of God on earth, life abundance now, with each other through the peace only Christ can give.

PLANNING & HOPE

We went for an overnight trip to plan the next year of ministry in the Sauyo Area. It was incredible to see the team come together with vision, passion and goals. From beginning youth ministry, livelihood programs and weekly services we are going for it this next year. Being in an indirect culture has been a strain for me at times, being very American and very male, so I felt at home when they hung up a chart to organize areas of needs, goals, who’s responsible, and timeline. I love charts.
Last night Pastor Ramon had a Bible study with two families. We met these families during our community survey last December and have since held 3 lessons on the gospel basics. Within these families there are strained relationships and unforgiveness tearing the them apart. This was not known to Pastor Ramon when he brought a Bible study on the hope and reconciliation God brings through Jesus. During the lesson people began to break down, crying over their hopelessness and pain due to the broken family relationships. They did not think there was hope. They did not know God could provide a way for forgiveness between people. God showed up in that crowded house and the kingdom of God invaded the darkness of those families last night. Continue to pray for them and Pastor Ramon as he guides them to the forgiveness of Jesus that allows us to forgive others.

EVERYDAY EVENTS

(the picture has nothing to do with the story!)

This might be a bit gross. I’m going back and forth with being sick. Yesterday I was at a prayer retreat with the pastors I’m working with in the area. There was 12 of us staying in a 4 bedroom 2 bath house…it was nice. anyways, my anal sphincter was ready to blow after eating something not right when I discovered the water was turned off. Not cool. I was about to make a big nasty mess and there was no way to flush. To make matters worse, others were experiencing the same symptoms. (all kinds of nasty) I waited and clenched as long as possible before scrambling to the bathroom, what a nightmare. As I was about to “release” when I heard the most glorious sound in the world…running water! It came on just at the right time without a second to spare. All was fluid after that.
To continue the gross factor: Isaiah woke us up early today caked with dried vomit. Cool. Then later Miya woke up and puked in my shoe and on the floor…all I heard was this splattering sound near the stairs. Then Ezra woke up so I went into the boys room to find him smeared in poop, his bed is covered and the smell of vomit and poop mixing to degrees that should be illegal. We had not yet cleaned up Isaiah’s puke so Ezra could sleep more so there it was a small cow patty looking pile of last nights dinner. I of course got sick twice this morning too. I wanted to bleach the whole house. All this action before 8am.

PLANTING PT2

Well, Ate Milen held on for her second Bible study and brought her 13 year old son along for the ride. Pastor Jojo went over what sin is, how it affects our relationship with God. In her house we discussed family, troubles and how it feels like prayer is affected by our sin. I understand a few words. (The rooster crowing outside the door was a cool element.)
After our study Pastor Jojo casually suggested Ate Milen invite other friends next week. I guess she thought it was a good idea because she immediately forced us to follow her to a friends house so we could invite them too. Our small family Bible study went from two people to four maybe even six by next week. We started with 2 Bible studies in the area three weeks ago and now we have a total of 8. At this rate by March we will have the whole community looking at the Word.
Thought you should know.

PLANTING A NEW MOVEMENT

This week we will have our first Bible study in Sauyo! Two families have said yes and want to have a Bible study in their homes. Pastor Bobut is like a child in a candy store whenever we talk about having Bible study in the community. It’s hilarious to watch him come to life, eyes expanding to capacity and he becomes animated as we talk about who wants a Bible study. He lives for it. This is an awesome privilege to witness and participate in the birthing of a new community of believers where none was found before. Praise God!
Sauyo community has no pharmacy, no school, most have no steady work, but they do have two community organizations ready to organize the community towards cooperative projects. That’s where we come in as a church. MMP is offering the community a cooperative pharmacy allowing for 40% discounts on over the counter drugs. It will be community run and operated with the potential to grow in breadth of medications. At another MMP church plant the pharmacy eventually grew where they sponsored TB medication for free to the entire community. Healthier (and happier) families, a healthier community and the respect of the leaders come through this program. Through this cooperative our church leaders will evangelize the community leaders. Much of the success is dependant on the receptivity of community leaders so please pray that we can begin this program within the next month.

JOURNAL ENTRY

The dawn is breaking. Can you see the light shedding the darkness? Life being stirred by a wind from the east, gentle but more disturbing; jump starting life from silence. Do our hearts stir at his approaching? Does not life surge through our veins at his entrance?
Flee you Demons, you oppressors of His beloved! Run and turn not around for your demise is at hand. Who can stand against his word; the sword of his mouth? Who can endure his voice of many waters or look into his furnacing eyes?
The Dawn approaches. The kingdom is here, the wind has changed and darkness retreats. Pain withers, death cowers, suffering wanes…come in victory my King! Fully revealed, no more parables, uncovered and revealed for the world to adore.
The Dawn approaches. Silence is no more. The light comes. The curtain is torn. God is among men and lights for them a path. The Dawn approaches. Peace to men.

PREACHING

I preached yesterday. What a surreal experience to be back in front of a crowd, speaking about God. Over the years I’ve become so familiar with the excitement of preparation, the subtleties of reading a crowd, the spiritual atmosphere when you feel people turning their hearts over to God, but in the past three months I’ve done no teaching. Weird. I feel like God wants to fill me up till I burst here and I have no way to express what he is doing. I fear forgetting or losing what he’s doing. Or maybe he’s refining what’s in me so when I’m done what comes out is only my heart. I hope so.
Maybe there’s something to that, God refining us so the words that escape our mouths reflect him, because he has shaped our hearts so. In preaching there can be a confidence in the material or an excitement about the performance but rarely is there a peace about the whole event. I think God wants to give us peace when we speak about him. A peace that’s not rooted in preparation or cleverness of delivery but one that transcends the event itself speaking to the speaker, “you are my child.” I hope so.

BEING AVAILABLE

Our weekly adventure of traveling to church together included an unlooked for surprise. While riding on the FX (a kind of group taxi) towards our house, Vangie struck up a conversasion with Jessica. Turns out she used to work for missionaries who put her through school and she guessed we also were missionaries. She is a believer but has been sad lately and just recently prayed for God to remind her why she should live for him. We became a part of that answer. She came to our house for dinner and met our whole team, talking late into the night about God and life. The single women were a great encouragment to her as she also struggles within a culture that looks down on singleness. How amazing is it that merely “being available” God can use us for answering prayers and doing ministry. Praise God!

ISAIAH 40- a prayer journal entry

“Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God?’”
Why is it that the suffering know in a deeper way God hears them? Why do those that suffer least, complain the most, forgetting who God is?
Pastor Mellet cries out to God in weakness and desperation but with a confidence in who God is. “Where is God?” is a fleeting thought here, quickly covered/replaced with the worship of God. Our despair is somehow connected with forgetting who God is, how Jesus saves. Worship and testimonies are vital in remembering God and keeping our sanity. Some would say God has forgotten the poor. They would shake their fists at God, pointing at the squalor and decay as evidence of God’s apathy. But it is they who forget God. He hears it all, sees every mother, burns with anger during every molestation. His judgment is storing, waiting when everyone has chosen their fate. In his grace he waits, otherwise no one will survive his wrath. He sees and sends his people, filled with the compassion of the Holy Spirit to walk with the suffering.
He has not forgotten us. He has not forgotten the weary and the suffering. It is by his strength they survive and thrive. It is he who redeems.

MMP NOTES

(These are notes are from a session with Attorney Chu but are not necessarily direct quotes and in part are incomplete. I just thought some of you might want to hear more about this ministry.)
Working with the poor is the path or journey to obscurity; to becoming a nobody. You don’t become famous as an expert…you simply fade.

Prayer and Spiritual Direction - these must accompany this path.
· We have to hear God – sleep + silence. If we are always so sleepy that when we become silent we doze then our spiritual direction should lead us to sleep. When MMP takes a retreat part of the time is devoted to catching up on sleep.
· Prayer is connected to Mission- too many needs and people to love; you have to discern from God who to care for.
· Prayer is to connect you to the Holy Spirit’s prayer inside you. God abides within! Can we hear him, be intimately connected with him? Can we walk with him in the darkest of places?

The poor
400 slum communities. 40% of Manila is squatters. MMP wants to plant a church in every slum, among the poorest of the poor.
There has been 20 years of revival in slums. 80% of conversions are among the poor. Where is God at work?
So from a practical standpoint where is the best place to do mission…among the poor.

How to begin
The poor do not need capital…they need jobs. They are not lazy…they need jobs.
To discover how poor and the general needs of the community a survey is done. We ask about fixed expenses (transportation, water, rent, electric) 25% of their income goes to water…usually 6x the normal amount.
Typically a cooperative pharmacy is planted offering a community owned and operated drug store servicing their most common ailments at a 40% discount. This allows families to save money, be healthier and gives the church trust within the community.
The church also looks to help community members start up businesses.

Churches Role
Two views of a minister- both are needed to build a holistic body of Christ
1. I bring God to the community
2. Shepherd anyone who joins the church
3. task/project orientation…want to see goals accomplished; walking fast

1. God is already here…I need to partner with him.
2. Shepherd everyone in need whether in church or not
3. looking for the eternal appointments; kinda just walking slow

Working with the poor brings us to constant contradictions; paradoxes. Who knows if it is the best way but that’s the way it is.

LONG HAUL MISSION

How to make it the Long Haul in Mission
Pastor Leo, MMP Board member (these are notes not necessarily quotes)

Faith, hope love are gifts from God, imparted to us. They are given to one who asks with open palms…you can not be cynical and have faith, hope and love.

They have nothing to do with the circumstance or object but rather is connected/defined by the Giver. They are from God, defined by God and sustained by God.

Contemplative prayer (makes us more real, humble, honest and mature)
Don’t ‘think’ just ‘look’ inward like you might look at a mountain: you don’t say “hey, how did that get there, I bet giant tectonics plates through the centuries collided to…” no rather you just stand there looking, gazing.
Just be aware not judging- putting a name to what is around on the inside of you (rage, despair, lust, depression)…look at the hurts, insecurities, distractions…admit them but don’t evaluate.

Eventually God finds us there, brings clarity and perspective and the false-self dies.
When God brings clarity and the false self dies then the true self is discovered, the one that wants to pray, worship, trust.
Don’t fight the false-self…just let it go. Open your hand to God and let him blow. Don’t fight in loosing it or to loose it.

Our inability of acknowledging what is really going on (no name for it) then it owns us and inhibits us from receiving gifts. (3rd degree burn stop feeling though it still burns you.) To stop identifying our suffering keeps us from responding to our suffering, thus tightening our fist not allowing God to blow it away.

Help people feel what they are going through. Must identify what’s going on. We are loosing dreams, visions, passion if no response to what is happening on the inside.

BALUT

I ate a fertilized duck egg (a delicacy here called balut) on Christmas Eve. Our neighbors insisted that we try some. (they really just wanted to watch us gag.) As a good missionary I know I can’t say ‘no’, so for the sake of God’s mission I ate this boiled duck embryo. As I was eating it our neighbors could not stop laughing at us finding it infinitely amusing for us to be eating balut. It tasted like egg but with an “interesting” texture. It was ok but i'm glad i don't have to eat it everyday. Overall, it was very thoughtful of our neighbors to share with us a Filipino dish on Christmas Eve but i think next time i'll share with them some eggnog.

MISSION IN THE EDGES

When we go to the edges of the city, when we go to the slums we see children. We see eyes that pierce and cut our numb hearts deep with the reality that this place they call home should not be…humans live here. We are irrevocably disturbed, with few answers, left with a persistent and yet healthy desperation for God to speak and act in these edges.
The last service at Cainta we attended we worshiped outside because the community center (that the church gave to the community) was being used for a funeral parlor. Inside the small building laid a casket containing the remains of a young mother, murdered, strangled by her husband. As we worshiped just outside she was a testimony of why Jesus must be brought to the edges. She reminded us why time is urgent and why we ask for God’s kingdom to come. It’s for her and her child…and even her husband that we offer the kingdom of God. May God’s reign be established in the edges of our world.

MINISTRY REFLECTION

A Pause in the work of ministry that correlates with relationship. In the Philippines relationships take primary place in meetings, strategy, worship…it’s all about relationships. (there are of course a few exceptions) Even if you are outside the family the treatment is still very relational. And any offence seems to come because of a break in honoring relationships.
The mission of God restores relationships so that “I will be your God and you will be my people.” We now can have a relationship with God, opening up the door to take time and listen to his Spirit, read his Word and fellowship in his presence. Without the relationship, we don’t spend time with him. Without a relationship, we don’t pause with him. Sometimes it’s not about having him do something or us doing something. Sometimes we just are together and that is also His Mission.

This pausing to be with him may also guide us in our earthly relationships. Mission is fun, sacrificial, driving, all important work…and sometimes a hobby. Our lives should be given to God’s work, while it is still day, enjoying the food Jesus spoke of in Jn 4. But relationships are also a part of that mission and should be paused for. Maybe I knew that already but here I see it in action. Snacks taken, siestas enjoyed and conversations that linger without specific objectives.
I almost always have objectives. An ongoing list of what I want to accomplish in a conversation or relationship. It’s usually methodical, strategic and efficient. Few pauses are taken; instead I’m driving to increase efficiency, in my mind, “for the Kingdom”. The faster the Kingdom work, resulting in more Kingdom work, the better. Don’t get me wrong, I do this for God and for the sake of other people. And in my mind doing the task for the sake of others is relational. This is not always perceived and is not the only or best way to establish or maintain relationships. The ministry needs some pauses.

This Pausing both in contemplative worship and in relationships deepens the Mission of God in us and through us. Making relationships tasks or objectives shallows the work and dissolves the mission into a singular facet. Jesus set an objective by turning towards Jerusalem, but along the way he met with, ate with, preached, and shared his final days with people. He could have been more efficient and rode straight to his death but rather his methodology in accomplishing his mission was relational.
In a way what I’m learning is adding a relational inefficiency to the ministry around me. It doesn’t always have to be about “ministry” to be the mission of God. Pausing for a snack, being grateful for someone’s presence, asking about “irrelevant” questions like “how’s your family?”, taking breaks and having fun together all add to the work of the ministry. It adds depth and in the end imitates Jesus to a fuller degree. Just some thoughts. What do you think?

WALA WALLET

I lost my wallet. Yea, you can imagine how convenient that is in this country. But God used this moment of frustration to show his provision.
There are a number of connections here so stick with me: I was traveling to do Bible studies at a slum in Cainta and the only seat left to me on a bus was next to Evelyn. We had a short but revealing conversation about our lives and our purposes for being in Manila. She lived in Texas for many years but now was raising her son in Manila after the death of her husband. She helped me find my destination, without I would have never found it, and we parted with her giving me a card with her number saying, “if you need anything please give me a call.” I thanked her for her help, sticking the card in my wallet, and went to Bible study.
Two weeks later, while on another bus to Cainta, I remembered her help and expressed my gratitude via a text. The same day I became very sick…just a cold, but the kind that you wish for a bed and a sharp knife to cut your head off. I couldn’t see straight think straight or barely speak. Not fun, especially when 2 hours from home. My travel home included a jeepney equipped with a sound system playing the Red Hot Chili Peppers, stopping to buy some very good chocolate for Jess and my accidentally jumping aboard the “all female” train car (you should have seen their faces). It was an adventure. Now the last leg of my trip was still a question for me as I had not yet found the correct jeepney to drop me off where I needed to go. As usual when trying to discover a way home I asked people sitting next to me. They clearly saw I did not fit and I was sick and as usual helped as much as they could. When we approached my stop I told the driver to “Para, po” or “stop” and he replied but I didn’t understand him, so I repeated “Para, po, Sauyo ditto.” Or “stop here at Sauyo”. I can’t express to you the frustration I felt, being sick, and passing my stop. I weakly said, “No, I’m so confused.” The man across from me tried to assure me it was ok…I didn’t believe him.
They dropped me off in front of Sauyo market. This is where my wallet fell out of my pocket. As I surveyed my surroundings I recognized the market because I was accidentally taken there earlier that day, so the guy was right it was going to be ok. Then I discovered I had no more money and my wallet was gone. Panic took me for a moment, I wanted to lie down and go to sleep…I wanted my mommy. :-)
I made my way through the crowded market and I got home on a tricycle having Jessica standing out front with money to pay the driver. I was glad to be home but very upset about my wallet. I lost money, a credit card, documents and to wrap it up I felt like a world traveling failure. To compound my frustration we couldn’t find a way to call the credit card company to cancel my card.
Then I received a text from Evelyn. She informed me there was a man, Dan, who wanted my information, that he had something for me. After short dialogue we were able to call Dan. His father had picked up my wallet after I got off the jeepney. They are Christians, born again, and promised me the wallet was intact so that I should sleep well. We arranged to pick it up from his mother. When I finally picked it up two days later at “Followers of Christ Fellowship” I offered to give the family money…not much only P100 or $2. The mother refused, “it would not be a gift if I took money. Just promise me to read the Bible more.” Amen.
So get this: I would not have received my wallet back without Evelyn’s number in my wallet or without me texting her that day so she would have mine or sitting across from an honest believer. Strange connections in Manila. Praise God!

Oops!

So I was sick. All I wanted to do was get home to my bed. I was at the MRT (local train) and was a bit confused where I needed to go to get on the right train. I took an educated guess, noticing a train was about to depart I gathered up my fleeting strength and ran for it. I arrived just as the doors were closing. I was hot, sweaty, sick but inside the air conditioning of the MRT. As I collected my thoughts, holding onto the handrail, I surveyed my surroundings.
“Seems to be many professional women on this train. Cell phones, business suits give these women a sophisticated look. Man, I am really tall. I can see all the way down the train car. Wow, there are a lot of women on this train. There’s an old guy…wait a minute, there is only one old guy. Where are all the men? Should I ask someone? Why are those women staring at me?”
Well, I am pretty handsome to look at and anyways I didn’t care. I was on my way home but the next day I found out I accidentally boarded the “women’s only” train car. Only men escorting women, old men or married men can board, but it’s very unusual. Oops!

"I see you"

I’ve begun reading through the Bible again hoping that the context in which I read will affect how I see and hear God. I’m in particular interested in seeing scripture from the eyes of poverty and how the marginalized might respond to passages differently from me. I know since I’m not poor it will be impossible to authentically read without my US privilege bias but I’m trying anyways.
One story really stuck out to me as a passage speaking for the marginalized but I had never noticed it before. It’s the story of Hagar, Sarah’s servant whom is given to Abraham to father a nation. When Hagar conceives, Ishmael is born but Sarah becomes jealous seeing that she herself cannot conceive for Abraham. She becomes so jealous as to send Hagar away in Genesis 16.
All of this is very different from our culture today and I haven’t unpacked it all yet but it seems Hagar is always in the position of weakness, able to given in marriage or sent into the desert at the whim of Sarah. In other words she lacks power and has no individual rights. It’s in this weakened place, alone, a single mother, marginalized from her life that God comes to Hagar. In the interaction she replies to God “I have now seen the One who sees me.” I wonder how important it is for single mothers whose backs seem up against a wall to know God “sees” them. He not only sees the “Abrahams”. Later God again intervenes in Genesis 21 saving their lives and giving the promise to make Ishmael a great nation.
This story is in contrast with the promises and attention given to Abraham, the one called to build a nation. The story of Hagar comes when it seems God’s attention is on nothing and no one but the honored. (Though later he explains he honored them because they were the least of all nations.Duet 7:6, 7) God does not forget but rather sees a single mother wanderings and her son crying…and is moved.
What do you think about the significance of this story in scripture?

Conflict

Which is more important: maintaining peace or maintaining truth? In conflict it may be hard to reconcile these two important Kingdom values. If you want to keep the peace or harmony then truth may be sacrificed. If you keep truth then people may become upset thus disturbing the peace. Which is better? Is there a way to keep both?

God is truth. But from an experiential perspective it seems he doesn’t reveal every truth about us immediately. When we receive the Holy Spirit it’s not like we also receive a scroll full with the “truth” about ourselves, though the truth is now in us. We know generally who we are as sinners but not specifics. He doesn’t even convict us every time we make a mistake. We may go on sinning for decades only for that sin to be revealed later…maybe not at all (generational sin). This can be due to culture, ignorance, bad teaching, but despite the reason it seems that God, though aware of it, does not force truth upon us other than the necessary truth of our sinfulness. He also delays in handing us the truth of himself, though it is fully revealed in Jesus, it is not fully revealed to his body, yet. We know generals, like creator, savior, his love kinda of truth but the specifics are often vague for many years. We may even die not knowing the fullness of who God is. (Is that even possible to know the fullness of the truth of God?)
We do come to know general truths: we are desperate sinners, God is awesome and saves us, etc… maybe I’m thinking too specific. And these truths are necessary for “peace and goodwill toward man”. Without these general truths peace would elude us, so they must be revealed no matter if they disturb a harmony or peace.

God is seeking peace. But is seems he does not always keep the “peace” either. The prophets brought truth in times of sin and rebellion causing major uproars, division among people and even resentment towards God. The purpose was always to give peace, to restore peace between God and man. “I will be your God and you will be my people.” Truth escorted in this peaceful relationship. But the truth of Jesus brings a sword that divides people, family and breaks harmony with others. This truth surely can not be compromised!

I guess I’m leaning toward truth being a conduit for peace. It seems to me love covers a multitude of sin (maintaining peace), but for the thematic ones prophets are sent for correction (restoring peace).
I see this in a Meta sense but how does it work every day? Pointing out every sin, offense, mistake seems to not build peace, but without a prophet to point out themes or sins that are detrimental there will be no true peace. Did Jesus constantly correct the disciples every time their motives were off (he must have known the truth every time) or they made a mistake? Did he ever just keep the peace though a disciple’s joke was not appropriate? He did correct and speak truth into their lives that disturbed the disciples “harmony” but how often, what was it like?

Can you forgive (bringing peace) without confrontation (bringing truth)?

These are some basic thoughts, not well written with many assumptions, but I’m reflecting. What do you think?